My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

For the next few years of his life, it was \'Xiao Chun\' who dominated his consciousness. Nan Xukun chose to rest himself. He was too tired to face everything; his father\'s contempt and continuous punishments, the rumors people spread about him, the way those second generation young masters looked at him as if he was some kind of cockroach that crawled out from the sewer.

Xiao Chun was like a shield. He was immune to the negativity and persistently faced the world with a positive outlook. He was a reflection Nan Xukun created by thinking of how Shi Nian would react if she was thrown into such a situation. Slowly, his personality also grew up to resemble Shi Nian; passionate, strong, and beautiful.

Never had he expected that one day, he would one day take over the control of his body for the sole reason of ending someone\'s life.

That woman was another one of Nan Cheng\'s secretaries. He had lots of secretaries which were replaced every once in a while. Some of them got into his bed, some of them not so lucky. That woman was the former.

Nan Xukun recalled that she persisted quite long, almost half a year. It was already remarkable for Nan Cheng who slept with different women each week. Nan Xukun didn\'t care whom Nan Cheng slept with nor could he bring himself to care.

Perhaps because she was the one who stayed by Nan Cheng\'s side the longest, delusions started to climb over her head. Thinking that she was something special, that she could fill the position of the Madam in the house.

It even got to the point where she looked up to every opportunity to get close to him — Nan Cheng\'s only son, the ultimate golden ticket. Nan Xukun didn\'t care about his father\'s messy affair but it didn\'t mean that he would sit still and let it happen when it crossed his bottom line.

That woman dared to ask him to meet up and asked him sweetly. "Young Master Nan, what do you think if I become your Mother? I heard Madam Nan passed away years ago so isn\'t it lonely being at home with only the two of you? I can keep you company, just like your mother did."

"Oh?" Nan Xukun drawled lazily, his voice turning deeper. "You want to be my mother?"

"Isn\'t that very nice?" She smiled. "You\'re a very good boy, Young Master Nan. Just like how CEO Nan described you to be. I will certainly be very happy to take care of you."

After that, Nan Xukun taught her what it meant to fill in his mother\'s place; to bear the brunt of Father\'s ruthlessness, to defend him, to shield him from the pain that man inflicted on him. However, he had just barely started when the woman couldn\'t bear it anymore.

"Stop! Please…! I\'m sorry, forgive me, okay?!" She scrambled up only for her ankle to be dragged back. "No! Let me go!!!"

Nan Xukun sat atop of her and suppressed her movement. "Why?" A frenzied grin made its way to his face. "Don\'t you want to fill my mother\'s place? Don\'t you want to take care of me? Why can\'t you bear this? This is nothing compared to what my mother has endured, you know." He lifted the knife over his head and stabbed the woman right in her chest again and again. "What else did he say? Did he warn you not to provoke me? No? That\'s too bad…"

Warm blood splattered all over his body and the woman\'s screams echoed in his ears even when she had ceased breathing. 

Nan Xukun let go of the knife, panting. His entire body trembled, more confused than scared. What had he done? He looked around frantically, trying to find a glimpse of Xiao Chun, the one who had always been his shield.

He found Xiao Chun crouching by the woman\'s warm corpse, frowning.

"Xiao Chun, Xiao Chun...w—what should I do?" He asked tremblingly. If this was Shi Nian, what would she do?

They stared at each other and saw the abyss in the other\'s eyes. There was no answer to this question because from the start, Shi Nian wouldn\'t have committed this kind of offense. She was so kind that she wouldn\'t have hurted anyone, let alone killing them.

—It was you, Nan Xukun. You have destroyed your own pure image of her.

From then on, Xiao Chun was starting to be corrupted. It was not good. The only thing he could do to stop it from happening was to close his eyes and force himself to forget everything. Only this way could he somehow manage to hang on.

But he didn\'t expect himself to be busted right away.

That year, it was only a month away from his seventeenth birthday.

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That man introduced himself as Si Zhening, his non-blood-related uncle. Nan Xukun had some recollections of seeing him when he was young, but it didn\'t mean that he would swallow every single word the man said.

Si Zhening was full of nonsense. Saying how he would help him, that everything was okay, telling him not to be afraid. What was laughable was how the other man readily helped him dispose of the woman\'s corpse.

The whole situation was tragically ironic.

Nan Xukun ah, Nan Xukun. Was there ever a normal person around you? Just a single one?

He closed his eyes and let everything be forgotten. He had the hunch that Nan Cheng knew what he had done, considering how the last person that woman met before she disappeared was him. He also didn\'t know where Si Zhening buried the corpse or whether it would be found one day.

There was too much to be worried about. He didn\'t want to face them and selfishly let Xiao Chun deal with everything. He even contemplated whether he should gradually fade away, just like how the mermaid turned into bubbles in one of the fairytales his mother read for him.

...Letting this kind of dark, cruel him disappear for good wasn\'t so bad, right?

He swore, he didn\'t expect that once again, he would lose control and kill someone else. This time, it was a totally innocent passerby. She didn\'t provoke him, nor did she play any part in his life. One day, he just brushed past her and heard her say, "Happy birthday, Papa. I wish you a healthy, prosperous and long life. I and Mama will always love you."

That sentence was enough to blow his fuse and before he knew it, he had kidnapped the girl. 

—I and Mama will always love you.

Why...why did that sentence bother him so much? Why was he so agitated? 

It wasn\'t enough to simply kill her like the previous woman. He wanted to see her suffer, to let her know that there\'s a pain in this world more unimaginable than death. Thus, he slowly cut her limbs off part by part and watched her bleed to death.

As he stood amidst the dark with blood flowing on the ground underneath his feet, a realization dawned on him.

Ah…

He...had become the same as Nan Cheng.

In the end, he couldn\'t escape from the curse of having that man\'s blood flowing in his veins. He witnessed a life wither away and felt the joy in it. And along with that, a string of chains that was shackling him down was also broken.

It was as if he had been granted liberation by accepting who he truly was. 

That\'s right, he shouldn\'t have pretended to be someone he wasn\'t.

From the start, he was the devil\'s son.

And the devil\'s son could only be another devil.

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A/N: double update! This is the end of Nan Xukun\'s backstory! Now, everything has fallen into place and you got the whole image ;) what do you think of it?

One of the characters I have created since the start of the story, other than Jiang Jinyan and Shi Nian, is Nan Xukun. It\'s twisted but he has always been one of my favorites. Outside, he appears cheerful, easygoing and laidback. Everyone said he must have lived a good life with Nan Cheng as his father. But nobody knows that he\'s actually rotting from the inside; his weariness, his hopelessness.... Omg I can feel how he longs to be free