Stranger Danger

“Sweet and tasty roasted chestnuts for sale! It’s free if it’s not tasty!”

It was dark, moonless midnight where most households had extinguished their lights, and the hustle and bustle of the day had come to an end. A cool breeze kicked up some dust and added some cold and forlornness to the streets.

Suddenly, a low and raspy voice broke the silence of the night. It sounded old, tired, and heavy. It sounded like the voice of a civilian who had worked themselves to the bone since dawn and was hoping to catch a glass of warm water, a hot meal, and the warm words of their family.

“Sweet and tasty roasted chestnuts for sale! It’s free if it’s not tasty!”

As the voice grew louder and louder, a wrinkly old woman with a hunched back slowly came into view. She was also pushing a small cart. Inside the cart was a pot filled with steaming, roasted chestnuts. It gave off a sweet, delicious scent that could be smelled even from far, far away.

“Your chestnuts smell pretty nice, old woman.”

It was at this moment three people wearing form-fitting outfits and carrying sabers or swords on their waists walked up to the old woman. The speaker was a muscular, fearsome-looking man with a scar on his face.

The old woman didn’t pay the man’s rude behavior any heed. She maintained a careful, obsequious smile and said, “Hehe, it’s a family recipe that’s been passed down for many generations, and I just roasted them a while ago. Why don’t you give it a try? You don’t have to pay if you think it’s not tasty.”

“Why not?” The fearsome man picked up a roasted chestnut, peeled away its shell, and tossed it into his mouth. He exclaimed in surprise when the delicious flavors bloomed inside his mouth, “Huh, it really is pretty tasty. Come give it a taste, you two.”

“Mm hmm! It’s seriously delicious! I haven’t eaten such an authentic roasted chestnut in a very long time!”

His two companions immediately stepped and shoved a couple of chestnuts into their mouths as well. They couldn’t stop praising how good it was.

“Burp… delicious.”

“Well, time to go. Shall we head to Apricot Brothel and have some fun?”

“Again? You were there the whole night last night! You’re going to die during sex and give the women a fright one day!”

“Hehe, what’s the point of living if not to enjoy life?”

“Three is right. I quote: One desires lust when they are warm and full. Come, let’s head to Apricot Brothel and enjoy some ‘apricot blossoms’...”

“I didn’t know you’re a cultured man, brother! Indeed, let’s head to Apricot Brothel and enjoy some blossoms, drink some wine, and kill some men!”

“Hahaha! Well said, well said! Let’s go!”

Seeing that the trio were about to take their leave, the old woman hurriedly blocked in front of them. “Dear customers, you haven’t paid for my roasted chestnuts yet!”

“Huh?” The formidable-looking man and the boss of the group immediately glared at her.

The old woman tried an obsequious smile and repeated, “You haven’t paid for my roasted chestnuts yet. I’m in a hurry to return home myself, so just pay me the cost price, and I’ll take my leave immediately!”

“Didn’t you say that your roasted chestnuts are free, old woman?” Two grinned.

The old woman replied carefully, “I said that it’s free if it’s not tasty.”

“Is that so?” Three frowned and said, “In that case, it tastes horrible. It’s so horrible I can die.”

“Dear customers…”

“Listen here, you decrepit thing. It was your honor that we chose to eat your stuff, so you should be. Now get out of our way, or we’ll rip you in half, get it?”

“You heard the boss, old woman. Get lost!” Three ordered before deciding that it would be faster to just kick her out of the way. However, he had just lifted his foot halfway when suddenly, he froze in terror. The next moment, his body melted into a puddle like he was made of candle wax.

Strangely, the puddle of blood and melted flesh didn’t seep into the soil. Instead, they wriggled and split into many round-shaped objects. A second later, they transformed into hot, delicious-smelling roasted chestnuts.

“Ahh! You… You’re Granny Xiong! You’re Granny Xiong! We need to run!”

After witnessing Three’s horrific death with their own eyes, the two men recalled something and turned as pale as a sheet. They were both Astral Refiners, but the thought of taking revenge for Three never crossed their minds. Like scared rabbits, they pushed their movement arts to the limits and escaped in opposite directions as quickly as they could.

However, the duo had only taken two steps when they suddenly shuddered, and their bodies collapsed into a puddle just like Three. Their flesh and blood then transformed into many more roasted chestnuts.

“If you’re not going to pay up after eating my chestnuts, then I’m afraid that I’d have to take your life as compensation!” Granny Xiong shook her head slowly as she stared at the floor of roasted chestnuts. “Kids these days!”

She went back to her cart and tapped the pot twice, saying, “Come into the pot!”

As if they had a life of their own, the roasted chestnuts abruptly stood up and hopped back into the pot. A few breaths later, what was an empty pot was filled with roasted chestnuts once more. In fact, there were more of them than there were before.

“Not bad. It’s a small profit, but a profit nonetheless.”

Granny Xiong smiled as her wrinkles smoothed out. Then, she pushed her cart forward once more while calling out, “Roasted chestnuts for sale… Sweet and tasty roasted chestnuts for sale! It’s free if it’s not tasty!”

She didn’t go far before a troop of Pacification Sentinels wearing black armor and carrying swords and sabers walked up to her. The leader of the group was none other than a familiar face, Ugly Monk.

He had just finished dealing with a Stranger incident, and he hadn’t had a grain of rice or even a drop of water for the whole day. He was so hungry he could eat a cow or two. That was why his stomach immediately started grumbling when he smelled the roasted chestnuts.

“Come, let’s eat some roasted chestnuts and fill our stomachs.”

Ugly Monk led his men to Granny Xiong and asked, “How much for one bag of roasted chestnuts, ma’am?”

Granny Xiong smiled. “Just two Tongbaos [1].”

“That is cheap.” Ugly Monk picked up a roasted chestnut and tossed it into his mouth. He quickly praised, “Oh, this is seriously delicious! Come on, guys, I know you’re just as hungry as me. It’s my treat, so feel free to eat to your heart’s content!”

“Haha. Thanks boss!”

“We’ll take you up on your offer!”

The Pacification Sentinels had been starving for a while now. They immediately rushed forward and partook in the delicious snack as well.

“Your roasted chestnuts are seriously great, ma’am. I haven’t felt such an authentic taste for a long time,” Zhou Xi praised.

“Haha, I’m glad you like it.” Granny Xiong smiled wider. “This might sound like a boast, but everyone who’s ever eaten my roasted chestnuts thinks they’re delicious. After all, they’re freshly made.”

Zhou Xi asked, “Oh right, is this where you set up your stall, ma’am? Why haven’t I seen you before?”

Granny Xiong replied, “No, I used to work at Chang Shan[2]. I’ve only arrived at Luo Shui two days ago.”

“Chang Shan?” Zhou Xi exclaimed in surprise. “That’s pretty far out. Did you come with your family or something?”

Granny Xiong shook her head. “No, I came alone.”

“Alone?” Ugly Monk was the one who spoke up this time. “You must be one tough lady then. Chang Shan is tens of thousands of kilometers[3] away from here. Even if you took a ship, it’ll take at least five to six days to make it here. Did you?”

Granny Xiong beamed at him. “No, how can I possibly afford to take a ship? I just walked. It only took a day, so it’s not really as far as you say.”

“A… day? You’re a funny woman, ma’am. There’s just no way you could’ve walked over from Chang Shan to Luo Shui in a day. Even I couldn’t do that,” Ugly Monk said laughingly. Obviously, he thought that Granny Xiong was just joking with him.

Granny Xiong laughed with him and said, “Don’t you look down on this old woman, dear customer. I’m still quite healthy and fit despite my appearance. In fact I just murdered three unruly boys who ate my roasted chestnuts without paying a while ago.”

“Plus, Granny Xiong never jokes. I just don’t see the point, you see?”

“You? A killer? Oh, you!” The Pacification Sentinels all burst out laughing, but they soon realized that Ugly Monk and Zhou Xi weren’t. In fact, their expressions were one of dawning horror and nervousness.

“You’re Granny Xiong?”

“That is me.” She nodded affirmatively.

“The Granny Xiong who sells roasted chestnuts?” asked Ugly Monk while swallowing and gathering his strength.

Granny Xiong replied, “The one and only. I didn’t know I’m so famous that even the Luo Shui Pacification Bureau had heard of me though. It is my honor.”

When Granny Xiong admitted to being who Ugly Monk thought she was, he immediately channeled his vigor and attempted to put some distance between himself and the woman. However, he froze as soon as he took a step, and his aura disappeared as quickly as it came. Zhou Xi and the others were the same as well.

“Don’t worry, my lords. I won’t harm your lives,” Granny Xiong comforted them with a beaming smile. “However, I will have to trouble you to help me. Just treat it as payment for eating my roasted chestnuts. I’m a fair woman after all. Do you agree with my proposal?”

Granny Xiong enjoyed their fearful, struggling expressions for a bit before saying, “It doesn’t matter even if you don’t agree. It’s not like I need your permission.”

“Come, take this bag of roasted chestnuts to your Lord Ye. I dearly wish to know his opinion of my handicraft.”

Ugly Monk was anything but willing, but he accepted the back as if his body wasn’t his own.

“What a good boy.” Granny Xiong nodded in satisfaction. “Oh right, when tomorrow comes, I want you to…”

She walked up to Ugly Monk and whispered something into his ear. When she was finished, she waved them away and said, “You may go home now. I still have a lot of things I need to prepare!”

A finger snap later, a strange energy rippled out and caused everyone’s eyes to grow unfocused. It wasn’t until Granny Xiong was gone did they finally regain their consciousness.

“Did… Did something happen just now?” Zhou Xi asked while shaking his head.

Ugly Monk chuckled. “What? We were just eating some roasted chestnuts. Were you daydreaming because you’re too tired or something?”

“I guess so.” Zhou Xi smiled self-deprecatingly before licking his lips. “Those roasted chestnuts are seriously delicious though. It’s a shame that Lord Ye and the rest of our brothers wouldn’t be able to get a taste.”

Ugly Monk chided him jokingly, “I already left some for them, unlike you gluttons who only care about filling your stomachs!”

Everyone guffawed at that.

“Alright, it’s really getting late, so let’s head home already. Roasted chestnuts are less delicious when they’re cold.” “Yeah, roasted chestnuts should be eaten while they’re warm.”

1. also a coin, but different. ☜

2. A commandery. ☜

3. It’s nothing, but I just want to point out that the author suddenly decided to use actual kilometers for this particular passage when everything else is in Chinese metrics. ☜