I Don't Want to Be Loved

Ten days passed by rather quickly.

As soon as Rihannan sent a letter inquiring about security to go back to Chrichton, Dimitri immediately sent a person to help her. Within this short period of time, the internal conflict in Chrichton was quickly solved.

The Crown Prince was stripped of all power, and discussions soon broke out on whether Prince Ivan should be crowned as the next heir. Since things ended the way Dimitri had planned, he hastened the return date of his cousin, Rihannan. It was as though he couldn’t wait a single more day away from her.

Rihannan’s farewell happened so quick and smoothly that it was simply astonishing. Mrs. Cessly didn’t even show up on the last day. Basil insisted adamantly on escorting her to port, but Rihannan refused. Igor saw once more that Rihannan had made up her mind and that nobody could stand in her way.

And thus, when the day arrived, Igor witnessed Rihannan slowly leaving the Palace from his office window. She was already inside the carriage. Then, when the carriage got far away, so far that he couldn’t follow it with his gaze anymore, he couldn’t help letting out a defeated sigh.

“Your Majesty…”

Basil’s worried voice came from behind his back. Igor stood there, his gaze focused on the window.

“I wish to be alone, so stay away. And make sure that no one enters my chambers.”

Upon his orders, Basil bowed his head. Igor heard the sound of the door closing, and after a long time, he finally shifted his gaze from the window. He looked at the pile of documents on his desk, but couldn’t concentrate at all. Eventually, he put the papers away inside a desk drawer. While he did this, his fingers accidentally grazed over a small wooden sculpture inside the drawer.

It was a clumsily made wooden ship. It was the last trace of the past. Igor smiled bitterly as he remembered what had happened so long ago.

It’s a gift! It’s something that I cherish very much!

At that time, his younger self was smiling broadly, knowing full well that she wanted him to like her gift. However, Igor could not smile like he did as a boy anymore.

As a boy, knowing that his mother was the one inviting that girl to the Palace, Igor made up his mind on making sure he’d not feel anything for her. Thus, he made sure to keep a stony face all the time and to not hear anything that girl ever said.

He said it’s the pirate ship in which Dimi will cruise and sail all over the world in the future!

However, before he’d even realized it, he was already listening to every word she said quite intently. She looked so cute saying those things with such honesty, and the fact that she was willing to give away her most treasured possessions to someone else also caught his attention.

Besides, it was at that time that he became interested in the sea for the first time. Before that, Igor’s world was limited to the continent he grew up in. Since his mother only spoke to him about how he needed to strengthen the nation to face with the adjacent Empire in the future, Igor thought that that was all he ever had to worry about.

Seeing that this girl knew of things he wasn’t even aware of opened his mind. He’d always wanted to distance himself from his mother but… in reality, did he perhaps give up and was just conforming himself by staying in her shadow?

That’s why, even if he pretended not to hear Rihannan, he was actually listening quite carefully. But once he became her husband, he couldn’t listen to her anymore. Rihannan did not have that same sparkle in her eyes when she spoke, and he made up his mind on not listening to anything she had to say anymore.

Had I known it would be like this, I should have pretended not to hear her at all to the bitter end.

Igor let out a cynic laugh. He shouldn’t have given her the chance to choose in the first place. It would have been better to continue threatening her with leaving her baby behind. If he had done so, Rihannan would have never left. Igor had realized that Rihannan’s thoughts on her baby had changed since long ago, after all.

And if even then she had chosen to leave for Chrichton… all he had to do was tie her hands and feet so she could never leave. He didn’t care if her cousin protested. If Dimitri asked him to return Rihannan, all he had to do was ignore him. And if he tried invading Arundell to save her, Igor would happily crush him again. He’d done so in the past, anyways, so he was confident he could do it all over again.

While these sort of thoughts filled his mind, Igor saw his own reflection in the window glass. He had the face of an evil man who was thinking evil, wicked plans. Then, he realized. After all this time, his mind was still filled with horrible thoughts and ideas.

After a long sigh, Igor took out a bottle of alcohol and started drinking. He never drank that early in the morning, but this was the only way left he had of comforting himself.

When he started feeling drunk, he sat on his chair with his gaze unfocused. He remembered the events from the past 10 days. The foolish man who’d given Rihannan the choice of staying or leaving with her baby without the slightest concern.

He’d honestly thought she’d say she was staying. Hell, he thought she’d at least ask for some time to think things through.

She now knew the truth of everything that had happened in the past. Even if she was still a little shocked, it looked like she was slowly recovering a little. That’s why he wanted to fix their current situation. That, since she had no choice to begin with, he’d give her the opportunity of leaving or staying with her own free will.

She had chosen to leave rather easily.

Seeing with his own eyes that she felt nothing for him made him desperate. She said that once the baby was born, she’d make sure of showing him only the most wonderful of things. But that was what Igor wished to do above anything else.

She said that she could not stop the world’s darkness from reaching the baby, but Igor was more than ready to make sure that nothing ever reached nor threatened that child. Be it boy or girl, Igor would make sure that nothing would ever come across that baby’s path.

But it didn’t matter. In the end, Rihannan decided on raising that baby away from him.

With those bitter thoughts in his mind, Igor quickly emptied his bottle. As day turned into night, someone dared disobey his orders of not disturbing him and entered his room.

“Your Majesty.”

It was Mrs. Cessly. Once she stepped inside the room, she was surprised of seeing an empty bottle of alcohol on his desk.

“What is all this? You don’t even like drinking.”

Igor smiled, satisfied.

“Just in time, ma’am. Care to join me for a drink?”

“If you wanted someone to drink with, why didn’t you call the Grand Chamberlain? I came here as fast as I could because I was worried about you.”

“I cannot let Basil drink with me. I know that if he does, he’ll start crying uncontrollably and I’ll have no choice but to comfort him.”

Mrs. Cessly burst in laughter.

“You are right. He was quite attached to the Queen, after all.”

Mrs. Cessly sat in front of Igor and let out a resigned sigh.

“Of course, I’m also quite fond of her as well… it’s just that, I was quite angry.”

Yesterday, the Queen suddenly told Mrs. Cessly of her decision to leave. Rihannan told her that she’d be leaving for Chrichton first thing in the morning. What stunned Mrs. Cessly even more was what she said afterwards.

“My marriage was to last for one year only, as per the contract. Time’s up. I thought I should at least tell you the truth about that, Mrs. Cessly. I’m sorry.”

Mrs. Cessly was so shocked she only looked at Rihannan for a while. Then, her facial expressions turned rigid. A formal, cold smile appeared on Mrs. Cessly’s face.

Seeing that you are just telling me all this now just one day before leaving, I can tell that your contractual marriage is finished. I understand. I will not see you off. I hope you have a safe trip tomorrow.

And that was it. As she said, Mrs. Cessly did not see her Queen out when she left the Palace.

“I’ve turned quite stubborn with age. I didn’t even see the Queen today, even though I knew it would be the last day.”

“It was not Rihannan’s fault. I added a clause in our contract which demanded that not a single word was said to anyone about our marriage situation. She couldn’t tell you anything about it even if she wanted to.”

“It’s not about that!”

Mrs. Cessly angrily grabbed a glass from the table and poured it full of alcohol. Then, she gulped it down all at once. Her voice was raspy and strange as she hit the table with her glass.

“I’m not angry because she didn’t say anything. I understand it was a special circumstance that she could not control. But, couldn’t she at least say something to me, at least once, in these past ten days she was preparing to leave? She could have at least told me she was planning on leaving for Chrichton. Why did she tell me about it just one day before leaving? Did I really matter that little to her?”

A tear emerged from Mrs. Cessly’s eyes. Suddenly, she started sobbing out loud.

Igor pressed his temples with his fingers. It was him who wanted to cry, but she’d started ahead of him. Had he known this would happen, he would have allowed Basil in instead. If it was Basil, he could at least throw him out and tell him to go cry elsewhere.

“Mrs. Cessly, please stop cr-“

“This is all your fault, Your Majesty!”