BXBX NOVEL Chapter 198 - Wrong Choices
«It has nothing to do with your mother,» Lara said after a few minutes of silence.
Nate didn\'t seem to have any intention of leaving before solving whatever was making her suffer. He was just as stubborn as her cubs, so she agreed to tell him everything before things went out of control.
«Why is your phone broken?» he continued, noticing the pieces of the device on the lower table, a few steps from them.
«It\'s because I threw it on the bed, and it slipped down... It was an accident, really. I didn\'t want to break it so badly,» she chuckled, sipping the tea he had brought.
«So, you didn\'t throw it on the ground or against a wall because of rage...»
«Not because of rage,» she confirmed. «I don\'t even know what I feel right now.»
«Tell me what happened,» he ordered, ready to listen.
Only after a couple of seconds did he realise how his words sounded.
«I mean, only if you want. But I can listen to you, Lara. And maybe I\'ll be able to help.»
«Oh, Nate... It\'s nothing grave, seriously. I just received a call from my brother.»
«I see,» he replied.
So, it was like that. Her family had started calling her to gain some kind of advantage. He hadn\'t succeeded in protecting her.
«You haven\'t blocked his number, I guess... Listen... I can\'t tell you what to do, but… if talking with him makes you feel like this...»
«I did block his number, Nate. Just, he called with a new one.»
«Oh.»
«Yes. I blocked his number a few years ago. Then, today, I saw the missed calls from this new number, and he called again. I answered without thinking twice, and now I feel like this.»
«Even if your body is fine, you are suffering,» he said after inhaling her scent. «You feel so bad just after a call... I can\'t imagine what meeting those people would do to you.»
«I don\'t want to imagine either,» she chuckled.
«Is there a story behind it? Why does a call influence you so much?»
«I said I haven\'t ever met anyone from my family since the day I left, right? Well, it was a lie. I did meet my brother three years ago. Just a few months before the twins started turning.»
«And?»
«He asked me for money,» she revealed, feeling ashamed of her weakness.
She had been tricked, after all. And it was so damn obvious! How could she fall into that trap? How could she allow herself to hope her cubs would have someone else apart from her?
«I helped him a little. As much as I could, actually. But then, my brother disappeared and never gave back the money he owed me.»
«I see,» Nate said, listening to her heartbeat as much as to her words.
«Because of my stupid decision, I couldn\'t buy what I needed when I moved towns. The twins were hungry for a few days back then. I couldn\'t buy what they needed, and I didn\'t even have enough money to try different things. It was when I still didn\'t know they yearned for meat and nutritious food. They lived on eggs for two weeks...»
She wiped a tear from her eye and stared at the cup.
«I thought they would gain an uncle, but my actions made us lose way more than just money... I was so stupid and, as a result, my kids paid for it.»
«They don\'t even remember that time,» Nate pointed out. «And they\'re healthy. I brought them for a check-up today, and the doctor confirmed they are okay.»
He caressed her back, careful to notice any reaction from her. He didn\'t want to scare her nor to impose his presence. He just couldn\'t look at her suffering for one more second.
«It\'s not your fault, Lara. You did what you thought was right. And you would be regretting it even if you decided not to help your brother. It\'s his fault for asking you for help.»
«But I shouldn\'t have accepted, Nate! Even if it meant living with guilt, I should have thought about my children better than that!»
«Oh, no,» he sighed.
He pulled her closer, always careful, and he hugged her.
«You were not wrong, Lara. You did what you thought was correct. After all, you were alone and facing something you couldn\'t imagine existed. Don\'t blame yourself more than necessary. You are a good mother, and you\'ve learned how to take care of the twins without any help. You should be proud of yourself, whatever mistakes you made.»
«I know,» she murmured. «Rationally, I know you\'re right, Nate. But I can\'t help but want to sleep forever, right now.»
«Do you want me to leave?» he asked, his heart sinking in a sea of pain. He wanted to be there for her, but he couldn\'t force her to accept his presence just because being far apart would have caused pain to him as well.
«Not really,» she said, placing her head on his shoulder. «I\'m not sure if being alone will help me.»
«Then, I can stay,» he decided. It was more a sigh of relief than a decision, actually.
«Thank you, Nate.»
«It\'s my duty to help,» he chuckled, accompanying her down on the mattress. «You can cry if you want.»
«I don\'t feel like crying.»
«Oh, good. Then you can yell and scream.»
«I don\'t want to do that, either. I\'d just lie down here a little more. Just a few minutes, okay?»
«Sure.»
He caressed her back and inhaled her scent as discreetly as he could. His mate allowed him to take care of her, so he had to leave a good impression. So that she would come to him in search of comfort every time she needed it, instead of locking herself in a room and suffering alone.
«We were close when we were little,» she murmured. «My brother and I.»
«Don\'t think about it anymore, Lara. Just forget it, won\'t you? As long as you don\'t suffer, you don\'t need to be the perfect sister or the perfect daughter. Just live your life, and be selfish.»
Her worries calmed down, little by little. The promised few minutes became half an hour, but Nate didn\'t complain about it.. He just lay there, with Lara in his arms, rubbing her back and pecking her hair every time he felt the turmoil in her heart intensifying.