The Emperor and the Knightess

But a wild beast was impossible to tame. His love for her was about to explode.

He decided silently, ‘I will just send her away to her room after a few drinks.’

His love for her was one-sided. Poliana still saw their relationship as a pure emperor-knight one. It was only Lucius the First who coveted and desired her secretly. He thought to himself, ‘I just need to remain calm and in control.’

It didn’t matter if Poliana got drunk as a skunk. As long as the emperor didn’t make a mistake, this night could stay innocent. Lucius the First was so distracted by his impure thoughts that the alcohol dribbled down from the corner of his lips. He wasn’t focused at all.

‘I will just drink a few glasses and send her away.’

Thankfully, Poliana was a heavy drinker. She drank just as well as any other knights he knew. He suspected that she would probably feel very tired in a little while and voluntarily return to her room.

***

Unfortunately, Lucius the First’s guess was wrong. After finishing her second cup, Poliana stared at the table blankly.

“This is a pretty strong liquor, isn’t it, Sir Pol? …? Pol? What’s wrong?”

“…”

Suddenly, her face crumpled, making the emperor tense. Was she going to throw up? But she only had two cups so far. She did, however, have a history of vomiting after drinking, so perhaps…

Secretly, Lucius the First hoped that Poliana would really throw up. That way, his impure thoughts would disappear, and he would spend the night taking care of her. In addition, Poliana would feel so guilty about throwing up in front of the emperor again that if he asked her, she would return to her room without a fight.

But the emperor did not get what he wanted. Poliana ended up doing something much worse than throwing up. Large drops of tears began to roll down her eyes. Lucius the First almost dropped his cup. He would’ve much preferred her vomit over her tears.

Poliana Winter was someone who did not show tears lightly. The emperor knew her tears were more meaningful than anyone else in his life. Even when every knight was crying at the cliff, Poliana remained dry-eyed. There were times when she was hated for smiling or crying just because she was a woman. That difficult time was now over, yet Poliana still remained stoic. Poliana Winter was the woman who did not cry when she was in danger of being raped. She did not cry when she betrayed her own country. She still didn’t show any tears when there were so many awful rumors about her. People believed she was a cold woman.

Yet here she was, crying her eyes out. It was obvious she was extremely upset; Poliana bit her lips not to wail out loud. Her lower lip looked like it was about to bleed.

Lucius the First stammered, “D… Don’t cry…”

What should he do?

He tried to console her awkwardly and when she realized there was someone in the room ready to listen, Poliana burst into sobbing.

“Buaaa!”

“Pol? Sir Pol? Poliana?”

“Buaaaaa!”

“Sir Pol… Please don’t cry. Why are you crying? It’s that bastard who did you wrong. You did everything right. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were great. Please don’t cry.”

“Buaaaa! I… I wanted to get marriedddd!”

“Yes, yes, I know. I know you were happy to get married. I know it very well.”

“I… I trusted himmmm!”

“You should not trust anyone in this world. I am the only one you can trust. Trust me and no one else. No, wait, don’t trust me either.”

While planning her wedding, Poliana felt excited. It felt like a dream to her and now, she was clearly in a nightmare instead. She felt miserable.

Poliana didn’t do anything wrong. The only mistake she made was becoming lonely. She was so lonely that she made a rash decision. She chose the wrong person. She decided to get married even when she didn’t have to.

Only

Was this mistake so horrible that she deserved to feel this horrible? Poliana couldn’t accept this situation. She was well aware of the fact that in this world, there are things that can’t be done even if she tried her best. It was just the way it was in this world. This didn’t just apply to Poliana; it was the same for everyone. For example, no matter how hard Poliana trained, she would never be able to carry this large barrel like Lucius the First could.

Poliana learned to give up at an early age. She learned that dwelling too much time on something impossible was a waste of time and effort. She took this lesson very seriously. It was part of her life and no one could change this. Some people said that Poliana was born without enough ambitions, desires, or wishes, but this wasn’t the truth. Poliana knew that this was a learned behavior. She learned to give up on things she knew she couldn’t have. Poliana realized this when she became Lucius the First’s knight. It was then that she discovered that she did have ambitions and wishes.

Poliana didn’t need anyone’s sympathy. She didn’t have any sympathy for herself either. She worked hard when necessary and she got what she wanted. She achieved much in life. She was a knight because she earned this position.

The point is, Poliana did not wish for things that could not be had. However, she did wish for things that everyone else had. She wanted a family who would greet her when she returned home. She wanted a partner who would respect her and spend his life with her. Poliana didn’t expect love, but she hoped for a companionship.

Everyone in her life had this, and therefore, Poliana did not believe wanting the same wasn’t being greedy. Anyone should be able to form a family if one tried hard enough. Some people were lucky enough to be born into a loving family, to begin with. Others who didn’t have this could still get it if they made an effort. It should’ve been easier than becoming a knight.

This was why Poliana was so upset. Why was getting a family so hard for her? It was so easy and simple for everyone else to form a family, so why did it seem so impossible for her?

Why?